Lest We Not Be Fooled!

This is a short blog but one that I hope hits home for several reasons.  Kids don't come with instruction manuals.  Most of the time, new parents just do what their own parents did.  Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn't.

Sometimes new parents turn to their own parents for advice.  Other times new parents turn to their faith traditions for answers.  There are always plenty of books, DVD's and internet articles to help new parents as well.

Let me save a lot of new parents some time.  First of all, every parent thinks their kid is special, and they are.  But way too many parents think their own kid's are "gifted".  That's not true.  Mozart, Einstein, Da Vinci, these people were gifted. Your own kid is probably average; good at some things, not so good at others.  That's okay.

Now as a teacher, we were NEVER allowed to tell parents the unvarnished truth.  We had to ALWAYS say something positive.  I want to share one time when I broke that rule and the parents have always been thankful.

I had a student who was a goofy kid.  He looked goofy, dressed goofy and said some of the most stupid things I'd ever heard.  Well, it got to the point to where he was beginning to lose friends.  At parent/teacher conference his parents were bewildered.  They had no idea why their child was having such a tough time socially.

So I said, "Do you want me to talk to you as a teacher or as a parent?"  The mom and dad looked at each other and then said, "As a parent."  I proceeded to explain to them what a goof their kid was.  That he was annoying everyone, including me at times and that if it continued, he was going to have a miserable life.

The parents thanked me and over time, I saw changes.  The kid began to fit-in a little more.  He made more friends.  Yet he didn't stop being an individual.  To this day  I have no idea what his parents said to him but they did write me a wonderful note full of thanks for being straight forward with them.  Of course the school wasn't happy but judging from how public schools are doing these days, I'm not regretful.

Someone said their job as a parent is not to parent, it's to discipline.  No.  Your job as a parent is to prepare your child for life, no matter what that life is going to look like.  Life is ugly at times.  Life is unfair a lot of the time.  Life can be uplifting.  So, stand by your child as they go through life.  When they fall, teach them how to get up and try again.  When they hurt, be there to listen.  When they suceed, be there to clap.  When your child does something wrong, let them feel the natural consequences of their actions and use it as a teaching moment.  If you think your only job as a parent is to discipline, you are being reactive and not proactive.  And guess what?  Your child is going to resent you.